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Saturday, July 18, 2015



Watching a romance story earlier and thought the storyline relates to many couple in this society....

Things have gone wrong between a boy and a girl. They used to be sweet and a perfect couple in the girl’s eyes but everything has changed. The girl felt the boy has neglected and rejected her couple of times. She took everything in again and again by herself until one day, she just broke down. This negligence and rejection has in turn made her gained back her used-to-be independence back that made her feel she doesn’t want to ask any favour from the boy. In other words, she can just do everything on her own. She felt really upset, disappointed and hurt but at the same time still in love with the boy. She also feels she’s the most terrible and useless girlfriend who can’t even help her boy when he needs her at the most difficult time. But in the girl’s mind, how can she help him when he keeps on pushing her away and doesn’t say out? How can she help when the boy doesn’t want to help himself and blame it on other thing. It’s all in the mind. The girl believes when there’s a will, there’s a way. She’s waiting for him to text her but he didn’t. Seems like he doesn’t care anymore. This really is upsetting the girl. The girl wants to spend quality time with the boy but the boy seems like preferring to spend it with friends. When the girl concerned about his health, he doesn’t care. When the girl came back from work so tiring, he just sat on the couch or facing computer, playing game. He could have shown more concern. At night, the girl woke up in the middle of the night, seeing an empty space next to her. Where has the boy gone to? She felt unhappy but had to ignore her feelings before. The girl thought she’s demanding and expect too much. When she thinks about it, she doesn’t feel she is cos’ her dad always care about his wife and children like when the girl came back from school, the dad will open the door. Or is the girl spoilt? No either. She has gone through a lot. The girl never forgets how the boy treated and helped her during her hard times. She is truly blessed to have food when she came back from work and always by her side when she was working overtime. However, this doesn’t please the girl. The girl feels something is lacking. Upon confronting the boy, he said she condemn him and doesn’t support him. She thought she was supporting him and thought he was already fine. It all stem from he doesn’t talk about his stuff to her. How would she know and how can she help? The girl doesn’t have ESP. She feels that his friends are more useful than herself and started to think she is a burden to him. Should she give him a peace of mind and move on ? She doesn’t know what the boy is thinking. She is so clueless now. She initially thought they can talk everything out and spend quality time together soon but the boy said he’s mentally and physically tired. It’s true she’s not a counselor but a listener. Should she just leave him for a long rest and be girl-free? Used to be 100% sure but now the girl feels insecure. How's the ending going to be?

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Why slow allocation?

It is another Sunday. I am getting bored, I mean already bored of Brunei. I miss my life in NZ. My exciting life there with friends, colleagues and also the many things NZ has to offer. Strictly speaking, Brunei as a wealthy country should be developed at least like Singapore. I wish for more shopping malls with franchise from all over the world, entertainment like karaoke and club, more places of interest, better road signs, MRT so we don't have to worry about looking for parking spaces which also will help to reduce road accident and air pollution. Also, a webpage should be created to inform the public about events happening in Brunei. Even though I said all these, Brunei is still a great country to live in. It provides free education, scholarship, cheap fuels, tax-free, free healthcare, subsidised rice, cars and so much more. 


There is another thing I am extremely NOT satisfied with is the non-existence of OT pay in the pharmacy department. We work our asses off till 6.30 the latest and believe me, that extra 2 hours are free labour. It is already pretty bad to mention our pay is the same as those who only study for a shorter period of time. I should just be a dietitian - same pay and better working hours. I am sick of calling doctors and this is not a simple task. We have to call from one place to another to locate them. And we had to wait for them to ammend the scripts before we can do anything. Doctors! Please check your prescriptions carefully! Some doctors are very nice and efficient though. 

A question was raised yesterday why we always go home late and why morning scripts are only being done in the afternoon
1) Our cut-off time for script is 4.15pm (for inpatient) and 4 pm (for discharges). So presciptions from that time onwards till the next day will only be done the next morning. By the time I start to do the NEW prescriptions, it is already 2-3 pages.

2) Scripts that need amendment. We have a hard time locating the doctors. There is also waiting time for them to change or authorise the script. Some of them don't even change it till the next day or even worse, forget about it. I feel like a mother having to tend the children all the time, making sure they are doing the right things. If only doctors check their prescriptions carefully. Seriously, can we just relay all these messages to the nurse since there is a higher chance for them to meet the doctors. 

4) Interrupted phone calls from nurses! When allocating, we always get called from nurses asking about "is the script done?" Honestly, we have taught you umpteen times that you go to patient drug profile and check!!! And some of them are not our fault. It's doctors who do it wrongly that's why we cannot dispense the discharge meds. It is fine that the phone calls are short but it is irritating when it rings after one another. 

5) When a patient changes ward, and if the item is not their ward stock so it will come down to us and the time stated is the time when the script was prescribed instead of the time when the patient changes ward.

6) It also takes time to check patient's drug profile and patient's history like whether the patient is on NG tube or patient is going home and blablabla! There's always discrepancies between what is written in clinician note and what are being prescribed. Grrrr! 

6) Allocating is not as easy as delivering. Even though I haven't delivered yet, I can tell you allocating can take really long because of the first and second points mentioned above. 

7) IT and BRUHIMS! Lagging! believe it or not, it can take up to 30 seconds to refresh a page especially for regular where we have to check every single patient's script. There was a time it took more than 3 minutes to print labels! I know nothing is perfect but seriously, Bruhims can be improved a lot! Heard this issue was brought up to them but nothing can be done about it - once we press complete allocation or fill, we cannot go back even though we press cancel. Then we have to release batch again. Create more work for us. And we cannot have two windows side by side. If we were to go to another function, we are logged out of the one that we are doing and need to log in again. click here and there. Return meds are the worse! It creates more job for us! I wish there is a system where the nurse can click what they need for the patients instead of us supplying everything because if patients don't finish it, they return them to us and we have to input each and every med into the computer and put them back to the shelves. 

8) Doctors should have a way to know it is a NPB med and call us to ask if it is approved and then get a specialist or SMO to authorise it. 

To be honest, if the script has no problem like no need to call doctors, we can do it very fast even if there are 5 pages. 

The only things I like about BRUHIMS are no need to write manually patients' names and expiry dates. Also, we don't have to "fill in the blank" on the labels.

-----To be continued. 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Sleep paralysis

In this post, I just want to share about my dream which happened last night on 30/10/13. I was pretty tired from work so I slept like 5 to 10 minutes before 9pm.
I woke up at 3 ish to pee.
In the dream. . . I could see clearly my bedroom and my sister with me on the bed. And I felt something/someone crawled over me and felt so heavy. Then after that it is holding me down and I can't move nor speak. I was so scared and screamed out Jesus's name. Initially the word is hard to be heard and out from my mouth but eventually I managed to speak a little bit and all was the same word. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Then after that I saw something like a white orb with red ring around it disappearing into the electrical box.
After that it turned into a dream where my uncle Hengky was taking me to a place so he could pray for me. Oh dear, I never had this kind of dream before and I do hope it is not really those mentioned evil spirit or demon putting the pressure. I read a few articles and some mentioned it could be real. *yikes*

Jesus! Please help us! Cast away all those evil spirits from our house and lives. We just need you Jesus!
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Thoughts . . .

Blog left untouched for months and months. Not much exciting happenings lately. Challenges arise every now and then. If time can be reversed, would have pursued Master or even chose a different course. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love pharmacy. It was my passion but this affection becomes a routine. It is true enough to say everything becomes a routine after a while. In addition, pharmacist's salary is not just in Brunei. Made new friends/colleagues at work. Feeling more frustrated and annoyed at the inefficiency of . . .  When can I get a post and get paid? It must be part of a bigger plan God has for me. Jeremiah 29:11. This is what keeps me going. I know God is testing my patience and faith. It is amazing to see how God works. Praise the Lord!  

More than 5 months have passed since my bf came back with a surprise on my birthday in April. All three hands on the clock moving forward non-stop . . . Tick-tock-tick-tock . . . my dearest bf is coming back next Tuesday for 2 weeks. You can surely say I am looking forward to this. 

What kind of person I really am? I think too deep at times regardless of my shallow face. I don't like to voice out my opinions unless with the people I am really close to. I like perfection, efficiency, justice, fairness, success based on real capabilities and not by pulling strings. Sometimes I don't even understand and doubt myself a lot. I change mind very quickly - very fickle minded except for the things I am very sure about. Very indecisive. The person who knows me inside out would be my bf and of course our Almighty Father. I was watching this TW show 女人我最大 which happened to talk Aries ranked 1st at loving themselves, more like their traits. It mentioned we Aries always aim high and hope to achieve highly. In short, we always want the best of the best. It is pretty true. This is a good one but it can be bad too. I always think I don't have the ability and capability to do this and that. I know I have to believe in myself. Being too responsible and desiring perfection can lead to stress. I have to admit even though l feel I haven't achieve enough but I am satisfied with my life. I have a perfect boyfriend, harmonious family, true friends, shelter, food everyday, no body deformity etc. I came across this note on facebook that a cancer patient, let's just generalised to dying patient, only has one wish. We shouldn't be the toy of today's society. You know why I love my boyfriend? Because he loves me for who I really am. He tolerates my impulsiveness, anger, complaints, cold war, and so on. Let's just say he's my neutralizer and comfort. He is always by my side especially during my hard times, letting me know I am not fighting alone. Thanks my long bean. =)

2 more days . . . then I can torture you *evil grin*

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Happy Birthday my boyfriend

IT'S 30 JUNE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM! xxx

Complaint and blessing

Sadly enough, I am not as motivated to blog as I used to. I tried to keep my page alive but it is hard without this writing drive and I don't find blogging as enjoyable as before where I was so determined to drop by and transcribe my thoughts into words here. Still remember the times I was active engaging in blogging was back in uni days. I MISS UNI LIFE! I am going to put random photos in between paragraphs which do not directly correlate to the paragraphs' contents.

As days go by, I miss life in NZ more and more, both uni and working life. Guess I have been back in Brunei long enough. The ones that I missed most is human-human interaction, be it my friends over there, fun colleagues or new patients. My point is it doesn't matter whether I know them or not, it is just a different feeling of treatment between NZ and Brunei. I feel so heartwarming over there but pretty cold and antisocial here.
I am not saying I don't love Brunei. I will even go to the extent saying I am proud to be a Bruneian. I am serious! I am absolutely grateful towards our generous king for sponsoring us to study abroad. I know it involves a lot of money here. This is also one of the reasons I am back for good just to repay his kindness. Another reason is of course to help out with my family's finance. See, everything is about money money money. If I have enough money, I would be able to do things that I like, for example, travel whenever I want, buy a good quality upright piano, buy an iphone, decorate my room etc. You see, every time I want to do something, I have to think so much about other factors involved. If I have the money, I would have flown over to OZ to celebrate my bf's birthday. I am so sorry my dear for not able to do so as you know about my financial situation. It is not that I can't fork out 1.5k or get an iphone straight but I have to think about the consequences for doing so. My bf always say to me: save your money for rainy days.  
To be honest, I am very lucky to have my boyfriend whose birthday is tomorrow! I wanna wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I sincerely wish all the best for him in every single thing that he does and most importantly, continue to shower me with love! LOL! Known this guy for 2 years and a bit now and have fallen in love again and again ever since. He is always there for me whenever I am happy or sad. A good example is this morning, I went to see Ms. A about volunteering myself to work in the hospital. Oh, let me tell you something here. I am still unemployed and I find it very pathetic to volunteer myself as if I am so desperate to work. Initially I thought to do attachment just to gain a bit of experience or maybe they can speed up the process of me getting an official post but now I regret and feel stupid/silly as I should enjoy my holiday first. You know why? I thought I would be volunteering just for a couple of weeks but after hearing what Ms. A said the establishment warrant is very unpredictable i.e. some get job straightaway and some have to wait even for a year. My thought was OH NO! I don't want to work for free for a year! That's insane. Another point is she also mentioned about gathering scholarship pharmacy students' information so they can apply for this warrant when they are doing their pre-registration aka internship and when they come back, a job is there for them or don't have to wait that long. I was like wth? If you all already knew this so called warrant take such a long time to apply for, why no action was taken before? And another thing is when I walked into the hospital, I felt so unfamiliar and so unhappy. This sadness empowered when I saw the numerous number of people queuing waiting for their prescription meds. I cannot imagine this ridiculously crazy long queue and complaints from patients when BRUHIMS starts. Then it took me a while to locate the inpatient pharmacy as it is situated at the corner of the building, quite secluded. When I was in there, I felt coldness and asked myself, where's the warmth human-human interaction? Everyone seems like a robot. Honestly, I have a feeling I will not enjoy this working environment. (I did a 2 weeks attachment about 3.5 years ago and frankly speaking, that was the worst of my working life let it be a short placement or internship). This also makes me want to go back to study or I should just hope they transfer me to my hometown. I know I am a kampong girl and simple life suited me more.Very strange and funny indeed this feeling of sadness (I have no idea why I feel sad. Maybe hormones? Or plainly because I have this 6th sense about my future working life) made me burst into tears when I talked to my boyfriend this afternoon. I just felt very stressed out which I shouldn't be as I haven't even started yet. Oh fyi, I will be starting this coming Tuesday without pay. I should have proposed to work 2days/week instead of 3days/week.


Back to my boyfriend now. He told me he felt the same which is called adjusting to new environment. Honestly, I have never felt this before. Not even when I was at Kensington Pharmacy or doing my placement in NZ pharmacies and hospital. I am just afraid if I am unhappy, it is not good for my well-being and leads to depression. *touchwood* Putting all these feelings of working aside, I am the most blessed person in this whole wide world to receive Keith Tan Swait Zin as my life present. (Hope this is for life though). Of course, I am glad to be born to my parents and a pair of siblings who always are there to have fun with me. I can be very childish and they play along with me. HAHA! You know why I cherish my boyfriend so much? Simply because he is made for me. He knows me very well inside out. I am not the kind of girl who would show her real inner feelings towards other people even close friends but I can tell him everything. He is also my best friend slash boyfriend. I cry easily that's why I don't talk about my bottom-of-my-heart-personal-matter to others especially those bitter moments. God is so awesome to let us meet at the perfect time. It is not easy to cross paths considering he was in OZ and I was in NZ when we got to know each other and not to mention, we were not recommended by mutual friends but he just randomly added and fb msged me. From then on, things started to follow. I am delighted that he added me because if not, I would have missed a golden opportunity to know this amazing guy. I learned so much from him. Although we are similar in most ways, we are different in some ways. His strengths complemented my weaknesses. Through this, I slowly am learning to convert my weakness into strength. The most that I like about him is him being so caring and understanding. I really can feel his love for me which is hard for me to describe this in words. I just feel this guy can give me happiness as I already feel this in reality right now. Tell you a little secret here. Initially, I was the stabiliser of this relationship but now it is the other way round. He never doubt this relationship after a few months together and I thank him for giving me this reassurance. Whatever I do now, I will always think of him and this is not a burden but a feeling of happiness, warmth and most importantly, acceptance. My dear, rest assured I will never take you for granted because once this is done, our relationship become meaningless. I hope we continue to shower each other with unconditional passionate love and loving tender care till the end.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear! Enjoy every moments in Brissy and GC! Love you big time! p/s: please check your mailbox when you return to Rocky. xxx 

 You are the man whom I pledge to spend the rest of my life with. Happy Birthday baby. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Dr Tumi is back!

Dr. Tumi was back for a short break last week. She only had a few days in Brunei because the rest of her annual leave was spent overseas. Luckily, I managed to catch up with her and her family over lunch at a Chinese restaurant at Orchid Garden Hotel.If she had stayed longer in home country, I'd definitely demand a live pole dance from her. :D 
Perhaps next time when she comes back again then.

-The End-