Now I have decided to write a long entry about my health. In
early March, I was battling with a cyst growing in my body. I should keep
it a secret but I want to share it with my readers who could have encountered
the same problem as mine and aim to provide comforting shoulders for them.
I could vaguely remember when I first noticed the bloating
feeling of my tummy early in the morning sometime last month or even before
that. I thought it could be just fat around my lower abdomen so I ignored until
I felt a pulsating movement in this area. I told myself this might just be my
abdominal aorta but as time passed, I still had the same symptoms that come and
go. The most prominent pulsating sensation was one morning where I did Zumba
workout in the evening before. I felt "this is not right" as the beat got stronger and stronger. I google-d online and one of the
differential diagnoses was early ovarian cancer. This totally freaked me out! On
the same week, I seek for medical advice on my first off day of the week.
After registering with a GP, they fit me in the slot
the next afternoon on 2nd March. I told her my concern and she said there was
indeed a mass in my lower abdomen and what's more - it is movable. She referred
me to a public gynaecologist. From this day onwards, I cried every single day
thinking it was cancer. In the meantime while waiting for the letter from the
public hospital, my boyfriend was very concerned to the extent that he arranged
an appointment for me to see a private gynaecologist during my working hours
which I was really hesitant. In the end, I did after I was convinced by one of
my colleagues that health is more important than anything else and she's right.
On 6th March, I met this reputable gynaecologist in a
private medical centre. I had to fill forms and then instantly, she wanted me
to do pap smear which I was fearful about. I always thought only sexually
active women have to do it but I was wrong. My advice is once you have reached
the age for pap smear, it pays off just to do it for peace of mind despite the
unpleasant experience. =) She also did ultra-scan and to be honest, I could see
the "not-very-comforting" looks from both the gynae and the nurse. At
that instance, I knew thing was complicated. She asked me to do a more thorough
scan at the radiology centre which I have already booked in for next week. When I asked
her what that thing was, she just said it's a mass but huge where my only
option was open surgery unfortunately. The only way to find out whether it is
benign or malignant is doing a biopsy on the mass. At that instance, I felt as
though my whole world was shattered. Nevertheless, I still could concentrate on
working. Haa~I am not a workaholic though. I just don't want to make any
mistake. During work on that day, I got phone call from the radiology centre
where my gynaecologist reckoned mine is an urgent case hence she swapped me
around with another guy so I was scheduled to do the scan the next day. I could
feel this was getting more serious.
In the morning of 7th March, I woke up early and went to get
blood tests done in the morning for tumour markers including the standard ones.
If the tumour markers are raised, I would be referred to an oncologist. This
idea made me uneasy. And in the afternoon, I went for my scan but an hour
before that, I had to fill my tummy with water - 3 full glasses of water.
Fasting while working is not good at all even though I lost appetite thinking
about my health. Can you believe I was shedding tears when the scan was
performed, not out of pain but out of fear. I feel as though everything is
coming to an end for me especially when I am facing this with the absence of my
family. The radiographer told me the mass looked like grapes and I really had
to get it out asap as my kidneys were compressed by this humongous alien ball.
>< She couldn't reveal more to me and said my specialist will contact me.
Waiting is the worst! Finally on the 14th March, I was asked
to see her, my gynaecologist, at 11.30am in her office. During the times of
waiting, we communicated via email. On that day, I was assigned to check
blister pack. I started at 9am. One and a half hour later, my cell phone rang
and my gynaecologist said she got back the result of my blood test and scan and
hope to see me as soon as I am free to discuss the treatment. I thought I
already made an appointment with her and does seeing her an hour earlier make
any difference? While driving, a lot of things ran in my mind. Was it that bad?
Hmm . . . Anyway, I saw her and did another blood test and some paperwork for
my surgery which was scheduled the next day! Oh wow! That's quick!
On my day of surgery, my Mumma Helen picked me up and stayed
for the whole 8 hours there! I was deeply touched by her big
heart. I see her as my family, my mom.
"Checking in"
Compression stockings
My surgery took 1.5 hours. I went in at
1.30pm with a smile and calm mind then I woke up at 6pm. During the anaesthetic
procedure, I knocked out after giving two short answers. My left arm was
for anaesthetic and my right for blood pressure and other parameters. I was looking
at the "round lights" while lying down on the table then after a
while I just saw the fuzzy ceiling and went to a deep sleep. It was quite
pathetic that I dreamed about pharmacy during the procedure.
Finally, I woke up
Half conscious
I pee-d into a bag via a catheter inserted into my private area
This cyst had left a scar that runs from the lowest part of my abdomen up to the top of belly button
I love this! It is just like massage! To help reduce risk of DVT
I asked for discharge after two days because of the heavy
cost. I did mine in Kensington Hospital which is private. What I can tell you
is one night cost NZD 700 and this number is just for staying there and meals.
All others incur extra charges such as the amount of gauzes I have used, the
number of pills I have taken, and etc. And not to mention the cost of consultation
(specialist) and surgeon fee, anaesthetist fee and so on. Anyhow, health is
more important than money. I have learned that no matter how much money you
have, they are just materials because once your body falls ill, you have to use
that to cure it so it is better to have a good health and a simple life.
1 week after my surgery
Thank you for all those who prayed for me, those who
visited me in the hospital, those who came up to see me after my surgery, my supporting
colleagues at work, all my friends (sorry for not telling initially), my family
even though they could not come (I told them the day before my surgery because
if I don’t, my boss wanted to ring them. Yeah, I planned to tell after I get
well at first), brother Andrew and sister Sandy for taking care of me during my
recuperating period, and most importantly, my boyfriend who flew all the way
from Rockhampton (this was actually a surprise but turned out to having to take
care of me) and another thing worth mentioning here is my dear boyfriend had to
work for 6 days in a row and on his last shift was night shift then he slept
for only 3 hours before flying out in the morning and arrived here at night.
That was a tough journey for him because he had to come up to Whangarei from
Auckland by coach rather than flight which was cancelled due to the nasty
weather. Luckily a nice couple took him to my house from the airport at 11 pm.
There was no mean of contacting him and I could not drive and also I did not
know whether he could come up. He even extended his stay just for 1 more day so
that he could accompany me longer and then flew back and worked on the same day
for 7 days in a row! That’s insane but I was and am still touched. I do have an
amazing boyfriend, don’t I?
For the first month, I could not do much and felt so frustrated.
And the feelings after surgery were terrible despite on regular painkillers. Had nausea, diarrhoea, felt
breathless and tired most of the time. I was off work for 6 weeks and of course
three weeks back till second week of full time was not good. I felt completely
exhausted after I came back. Now, I am getting better but of course, I feel
that I am not as efficient as before because I do still feel a little bit of
soreness at times. Working life is getting more and more intense. Sometimes, I
just feel like not working and be a housewife but then that won’t work in the
long run. I still need to earn money and make good use of my degree to help
others. I have chosen the right profession but did not feel that rewarding
working anymore compared to before. This is because there is still a battle
between myself and my health. I just keep it quiet usually inside when I was so
tired at work and on the verge of falling but I just hold it in because of the
lack of staff and more and more sick patients. I reckon I should take at least 2
months off when I go home before start working again. I need to completely recover
before I could start again.
So that’s my long story. It was not an easy journey and sadly, it hasn't ended yet and I doubt there is an end to this. What I want to say is please
cherish your life and not taking it for granted because once you land yourself
in ill health, there is no turning back but just face and deal with it. There
is already no point of saying “if only”. That’s too late. Also I did experience
quite a bit with this especially when none of my family member is here. What’s
worse, one week after my surgery, my grandmother was admitted in the hospital
for a month before she passed away. During that one month was torturing because
I could not fly back. The worse was when I learned about the news of her death
and I completely broke down and wanted to fly back but I could not due to the
high risk of DVT that could lead to death. Thank you for my boyfriend and
family who called me in the morning of my grandma’s death to take care of my
health first and not worth taking the risk. I was so devastated because I am
very close to her. Even now I could not help shedding tears and feel heartbroken
whenever I think about her. Do you all know that it is worse when you could not
see your loved ones for the last time? In addition, I haven't seen her since my last time back in Brunei which was 1.5 years ago and then I could not even talk to her on the phone due to the strict rule in the hospital. This is a torturous feeling. Another thing
that is important is family. Life will be so different without her when I go
back home. We made a promise to do things when I go back for good but now she’s
gone for good.
='(
At lee loi Fatt
I did a personality test and it was so true that I had an
introvert feeling even though I am chatty. I tend to only tell some people my
true feelings. I don’t like to trouble others so I rather do everything by
myself and feel extremely bad when I burden others. This is also why I did not
want to tell anyone except my boyfriend about my surgery. I don’t want them to
start worrying about me when they have other better things to think and do.
Sorry for behaving this way but I can’t help it. I am more of a listener than
telling you my trouble but I am happy to share my joy with you =) Nevertheless,
I love all of you.
Tango with her
God is my strength. He pulled me up and has given me a
new life. Keith always reminds me that I must be grateful because I had cyst
instead of cancer. Yeah, I indeed am. The verse I would like to share that gives
me strength is from 1 Peter 5:10 (from previous post) I will never stop praising my wonderful
creator. Thank you Lord. He
wants me to rely on Him. I asked Him why I have to go through this at
this time when I am here by myself in NZ. And why my suffering is not like
failing exam or any other external things. But hey, He is always my faithful
God because He never abandons me. He is always there for me. To think about it,
I am not alone because my gift from God – my boyfriend, has been amazing,
keeping me company on the phone from the day I learned about my health and to
the time I recovered. Even until now, we contact each other every single day =)
He is the best gift of my life. Of course, He also has given me so many fabulous friends! You guys know who you are :):)
For those who feel empty inside and a pessimist please don’t
give up on yourself. Turn yourself to God no matter what you are doing and
where you are because He is always there to give you strength and support.
Also, don’t feel like everything is wrong for you because I have gone through
this much and am still living happily. Therefore, please wake up! Life is very
beautiful. Do not let a tiny letdown be your barrier to live fantastically in
this world. Cherish your life because if you don’t, no one can help you. Only
you can help yourself. There are way more unfortunate events happening out
there and think about those natural disasters and accidents that could just
take away your life or decrease your quality of living in one second. Think about those poverty that still exist in this era. Think about people who do not have the chance to go to school, to keep themselves warm and to enjoy what we call luxury here. For them, a simple loaf of bread, a piece of cloth to wrap themselves is more than enough. How about those who are born blind, deaf and even with conditions since young? I also want to say don't ever judge others because everyone has a story to tell. What's more, never look down on others too. Treat everyone the same as if they were your own brothers and sisters.
Anyway, if you
ever need a listener, I will always here to listen to you but I am not so much of
a counselor sadly. Despite I don’t usually
tell others my story as I don’t want to make them feel like I am complaining
but hey you surely can tell me and I will listen because I am more than happy
to do that. Don’t feel you are troubling me because I genuinely want to help
you if you need a listener to make you feel better. I myself have listener too
because I surely can’t hold everything in at times of sorrow. Thank you God and
Keith =)
I dearly miss her
That’s the end of my long-winded story that basically sums up the first half of my life this year.
-The End-
